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How Online Dating Can Hurt Your Self-Esteem


Getting hit on at the beach or bar can get old quickly. Let’s face it, it isn’t like a twenty-something gal to stay single for long, but what’s a girl to do when she just can’t seem to run into the right guy? Maybe it’s time to consider online dating.

Season two of "Catfish: The TV Show," shows that the person behind the profile doesn’t always have harmless intentions. So before you make a profile, consider how it can drain self esteem, and then proceed with caution.

No Satisfaction
A lot of dating sites have some way to indicate interest in a guy -- whether it be a smile, a “like,” a message, a thumbs up or something similar. Don’t become frustrated when expressing interest in a guy who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. Maybe he doesn’t get online often, doesn’t check his messages, or he just isn’t interested. If you never take these kinds of risks in real life dating, then you may not be at ease with rejection. Understand rejection is a normal part of life that we’ve all got to face at some point before putting yourself out there in a private message.

You Think Too Much
If you’re spending time seeking out a boyfriend like you shop online for shoes, then you’ve probably got quite a bit of time on your hands. That may be a blessing and a curse. Not meeting guys in person who would interest you may lead your thoughts to get the best of you. Chances are, insecurity will sink in at some point.

Don’t wrack your brain about why you’re single. Men often have the power to control the intensity of sexual and romantic relationships. “ Women do not want to get left out in the cold [in relationships], so they are competing for men on men’s terms,” wrote Kathleen A. Bogle, author of “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus” and sociologist at La Salle University. “This results in more casual hookup encounters that do not end up leading to more serious romantic relationships. Since college women say they generally want ‘something more’ than just a casual hookup, women end up losing out.”

You’re Being Looked Over
Some dating sites hide pictures from those who aren’t subscribed, while others let you indulge in creeping on your potential beaus. The truth is that online dating is quite similar to meeting in the real world, and attraction plays a big role. When scrolling through girls in the area, guys may pass you by without a thought just because your profile picture doesn’t intrigue them at first glance. Mark Twain wrote to “never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option,” but in online dating, you’d probably opt for being just that. All you want is to snag the attention of a great guy.

The Guys You’re Attracting Aren’t Attractive to You
Seeing a girl pursue higher education and true love at the same time can be attractive to some guys. It takes a lot of dedication. Unfortunately for the collegiate girl, she may receive an influx of messages from guys with a measly three sentences for a profile. What is she to do when her education and beauty are the bait that reel in guys she’d never want to catch? “When you own your self-esteem, you’ll find it infinitely easier to attract quality guys into your life,” wrote dating expert Marni Battista. She added that many of the wrong guys can sense a girl’s unconscious thoughts and know exactly what to say to make her ‘feel good.’ The bottom line: grow in self-confidence.

Online dating can be an alternative for the busy bee who can’t make it out often for a night on the town. For girls who struggle to find a committal young man, online dating might seem appealing. But proceed with caution. If you’re going to make a profile, remember: guys may be messaging several girls, and they may forget to be avidly checking their inbox; you’re not going to attract everyone out there; and you shouldn’t determine your self worth by how many profile views you get. Don’t be discouraged. Online dating won’t break you down if you’ve got a clear sense of self worth and you understand the many reasons you’re a great catch. In time, the right guys will notice that, too.

By: Jasmine McCain | Image: Source

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